What I fear is that this is the only thing I will be inspired to do. All future creativity will be in this one creative outlet. That has never been the way I have operated. I have always shifted this need to create from one thing to another. Writing has always been there but it has been mixed into poetry, movies, painting, acting, larping, and stories. Maybe now I have found an outlet that meets all of my creative needs.
There are things I have sitting in front of me that I should be working on. I want to be working on. I just can’t get my head around them. Videos I want to create. Projects I have half-finished but can’t force myself to work on.
The only thing that seems to be working is the typing of words.
That would be tine but the words are not coming to me for purely creative endeavors. I have a half-finished script that I really love and have sat down with the intent of finishing it but just sit there. One big scene left to write and it just doesn’t flow. I can see the scene and know the points that must be hit but the words are just not there.
The creative pen is out of ink.
The body knows logically that it is temporary the word will come and the pen will be filled with ink. My mind is not so sure. The words have flowed so well for this blog; For talking about issues and protests and world changing events. Even this sharing of writers block has proven fairly easy to flow from the keyboard.
This blog was started to share the news that I think matters, to share how I see the world, how I come to my views, and my life in general. I enjoy it more than most creative endeavors I am currently working on. I literally have a list of topics I want to spend time on from the 3 laws I live by to how algae and fungus will save the world.
This may be what I should be doing.
I may be fighting a losing battle against myself to continue to be all the things that I want to be. Maybe I should have chosen one thing to do and stuck with it even when doing so has failed me so many times before.
I used to think that not knowing who I wanted to be when I grew up was a fault. Now I see it as character. No one I know who had their life planned out in High School lived it out the way the wanted or if they did doesn’t regret it. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I hadn’t been a cab driver, or lived out of my car, or made a zombie movie, or baked bagels, or occupied a plaza, or, or, or…
What does this all mean?
It means I am going to stop trying to direct my creative energy into things it doesn’t want to go for a bit. It means I will listen to myself more and do what it says. I will attempt to not hold myself back. Get out of my own damn way. It means you will get more words of mine to read. Hopefully I’ll get more of yours to read in response, it is always good to hear your response.