Google Memo: Complete Breakdown

This Will be a breakdown of the memo that James Damore at Google published internally.  It will not go into Google’s response or Mr. Damore’s motivations here.  This is a breakdown of the actual Memo done by a white male in the IT industry.

Before I started this process I have not read more than a few excerpts and some friends opinions.  I usually attempt to avoid “news” like this.   The rhetoric that happens around a thing like this usually gets blown bigger than the actual thing people are talking about. The full memo can be found here, it is too long to quote and break down every piece of it but will be as thorough as possible.

Google memo

Interesting start.  Don’t know which way he leans but knowing the industry we can guess.  He does invite comment so here we go.

The first three paragraphs are setting up the memo.  Basically “I’m not prejudiced but..” He also says Google has been receptive to what he has said in the past.

What follows is a TL;DR (Too long, Don’t Read) summary of the memo in five bullet points.

● Google’s political bias has equated the freedom from offense with psychological safety, but shaming into silence is the antithesis of psychological safety.

I found this interesting having never heard anti-PC point of view put this way.  The silencing of the mentally harmful is a problem.

● This silencing has created an ideological echo chamber where some ideas are too
sacred to be honestly discussed.

This happens in every business I have worked for.  The status queue is hard to fight against in any group.  Fact of life.

● The lack of discussion fosters the most extreme and authoritarian elements of this
○ Extreme: all disparities in representation are due to oppression
○ Authoritarian: we should discriminate to correct for this oppression

The ideology is not defined but the results are pretty clear: Disparities are due to oppression so Google oppresses to combat disparities.

● Differences in distributions of traits between men and women may in part explain why we don’t have 50% representation of women in tech and leadership.

● Discrimination to reach equal representation is unfair, divisive, and bad for business.

And this is where people get into trouble.  I am curious what arguments James makes.

Skipping the Background paragraph, He goes into Biases, not at Google but of polittics.


As soon as I read this I see where James has gone wrong.  His framing of “Left Biases” is obviously from someone on the right.  It implies those on the Left don’t have respect, are not just, unstable, and not pragmatic.  He does imply, in turn, out that the Right is not compassionate, closed, and not idealistic but it is clear which side he believes (more) in.

In the paragraphs that follow he diplomatically states, these are not 100% but Google is definitely on the left side of this biases table. the thing that bothers me the most is, “Google’s left bias has created a politically correct monoculture…”  Not sure how attempting to create diversity creates a monoculture.  James equates political diversity with cultural diversity.  The two are not the same.

The next section is entitled “Possible non-bias causes of the gender gap in tech”  Here is where I started pulling my hair.  There is a lot of saying how men and women are physically different and also traits many traits are male dominated and female dominated.  Then says what he just said is not try for everyone and doing so is bad.

There is a lot of stereotyping in this.  I’ll share some highlights.

Extraversion expressed as gregariousness rather than assertiveness. Also, higher

This is typical sexist talk.  Women aren’t assertive they are gregarious.  Women can’t be assertive so why would you assign them important leadership or a project that is going to require tough customer pushback?  But wait, there’s more!

Neuroticism (higher anxiety, lower stress tolerance).
○ This may contribute to the higher levels of anxiety women report on Googlegeist
and to the lower number of women in high stress jobs.

And I start swearing in my head.  I currently am doing an assignment in the NICU at a hospital.  Babies born premature who only are alive because of the constant vigilance of the 96% female nurses there. (96% is from that one NICU) They literally hold lives in their hands.  One mistake or missed sign of trouble and someone’s baby dies.  Every milliliter of formula and ounce of pee and poop carefully recorded and checked.  Then deal with the parents about every up and down in their recovery.  Don’t dare tell me women seek out less stress or anxiety jobs.  *deep breath*

Then he says men have a higher drive for status without saying what are high-status jobs that they seek.  He does say:

Note, the same forces that lead men into high pay/high stress jobs in tech and leadership cause men to take undesirable and dangerous jobs like coal mining, garbage collection, and firefighting, and suffer 93% of work-related deaths.

This comparison makes no sense to me.  Tech jobs are not dangerous and coal mining I would say is not a high-status job.  What I get the sense is that James sees software engineer as a high pay and prestige job.  Most every job title has high stress.

He then goes into “Non-discriminatory ways to reduce the gender gap”  by stating a gender stereotype and then saying how Google can bend to that stereotype.  Isn’t that just feeding what he is fighting against?  My *cough* favorite part of this section is:

● Women on average look for more work-life balance while men have a higher drive for status on average
○ Unfortunately, as long as tech and leadership remain high status, lucrative
careers, men may disproportionately want to be in them. Allowing and truly
endorsing (as part of our culture) part time work though can keep more women in

Let women work part time.  That’s all they can handle… see NICU rant above.

The next section, “The harm of Google’s biases” is very Google specific and references things I have no way of knowing. so I will withhold comment.

The section called “Why we’re blind” is an interesting diatribe of the differences/stereo types of men/women and how discussing them hurts men.

We have extensive government and Google programs, fields of study, and legal and social norms to protect women, but when a man complains about a gender issue issue affecting men, he’s labelled as a misogynist and a whiner.

This sentiment ignores the history from the beginning of it to about the 1970’s where sexual inequality was enshrined in law and still in rape/sexual assault legal practice. (I know there will be pushback on that on all sides)  Things don’t change on a dime, it takes a lot of time and effort to change historical biases.

The last section is suggestions to Google.   There are a few valid points (Stop restricting programs and classes to certain genders or races for example.) but the last point in the memo I want to address touches on many of James’s points.

Stop alienating conservatives…  Alienating conservatives is both non-inclusive and generally bad businessbecause conservatives tend to be higher in conscientiousness, which is required for much of the drudgery and maintenance work characteristic of a mature company.

Conservatives are more careful and vigilant the Liberals and therefore better at buisness.  Putting those traits on a political kinda ignores the success of the business in the field you work in, James.  Skipping over what you laid out as left bias toward embracing change in a changing industry; there is a solid business reason why sexual diversity is sought after by companies.  Because a business wants the best people working for them no matter who are what they are.   They don’t want to scare away potential talent by having a stance against GLBT people.  Businesses, overall, would like to stay out of politics but will lean toward inclusion for their own self-interest.

To sum up, James Damore attempts to make an argument against a diversity push by pointing out why diversity is important.  Points out his belief in the superiority of ‘Right politics” and his prejudice against women.  A few good points don’t make up for the filth in the memo.  He does sound like a person I could sit down and have these arguments with, which is more than I suspected with the rhetoric that’s out there.

How I handle Trump’s Election

Donald Trump

Trump in Iowa on Dec. 5, 2015 (Source: Charlie Neibergall/Associated Press)

All right here it goes.  I have been waiting until now to really get into the election here.  I do have a lot to say but I am going to start here.

I was wrong

I thought Trump had no chance. I had calmed friends and even wrote a lighthearted piece after Trump won the Republican Nomination on why we should embrace him as a candidate.  I concluded with he can’t win.  Many people were wrong on this but we should all take a moment and admit it.  That brings me to my next point.

Trump will be our next President

There are those who say he didn’t win because electoral college.  It’s the system we got and it was put there for very good reasons.  Also if you are one of the people saying “He’s not MY President.”  He is.  If you live in the USA he is the President of it.  I remember people saying that after Obama won (Some are still saying it.) and when Bush won.

It does nobody any good to delegitimize the person in a position you want someone with your beliefs to hold.  Unless you want there to be no President don’t taint the position.

No voter supports or even knows every position of a candidate they voted for

Did you know that Hillary wanted animal breeders and zoos to be required to have disaster plans for the protection of animals in their care?  I didn’t until a minute ago and look for an obscure position to write here.  If you know me you know I am not a fan of Hillary or Trump.  I was hoping Hillary one between the two.

Labeling all supports of X as Y is wrong, bigoted, hateful, and dangerous.  Let me just list a few and I’m sure one of them will be hurtful to you while another will be something that you had thought.  I am doing this as an example because it is so important to understand this.

All supporters of Gay marriage are gay
All supporters of creationism are idiots
All supporters of Black Lives Matter are criminals
All supporters of legalizing weed are drug addicts
All supporters of abortion rights are going to hell
All followers of Christianity are hypocrites
All followers of Judaism  are rich
All followers of Mohamed are terrorists
All followers of Atheism have no morals
All supporters of Trump are Racists
All supporters of Hillary hate America
All supporters of Nickelback are tone-def

You do not fit into those boxes and they do not define who you are.  You are complex and have tremendous life experiences that make you who you are…  and so does everyone else.  Please do not box others.  It just allows others to put you in a box.  We must accept that there are those out there who are not tone-def and still like Nickelback.

We must still call out stupid, hateful, untrue, bigoted, and hurtful statements and actions.  I still will. But one thing I have learned over the years is this.

Calling someone a racists does nothing to change the fact that they are racists

Calling someone tone-def because they like Nickelback will not stop them from liking it.  This is true for anything.  Calling someone an idiot has made no one smarter.  In fact it can make people dumber or to play more Nickelback.  Telling a girl that girls are bad at math may influence them not to study or like math because they were told they would be bad at it.

So what do we do?  For me the answer is simple one but very hard to do.

Do not call them a racists, tell them that action is racists.

A couple of male friends I was with were a bit inebriated.  One called to order food and after handing the phone off to the other said louder than he new “Hey, she sounds hot.” and the repeated “Ask her if she’s on Tinder!” over and over again.

After the phone call I confronted my friend telling him that was harassment.  He argued that it wasn’t and I tried to explain that she was just doing her job and doesn’t deserve to have to fend off unwanted advances to earn a living.  We didn’t convince each other and eventually moved on.

You may not agree with me that it was harassment and that a bit of the point.  How does a harasser know that they are harassing unless you attempt to explain what action that they themselves took was harassment.  I’m saddened to say that racism will not just die out.  at some point, if the goal is to end racism we will have to convince some racist that racism is wrong.

I am afraid that this may get the biggest reaction in this whole article but to cure a Nickelbacker you are going to have to make them listen to Metallica.

Stress, I disbelieve!

I used to say I don’t believe in stress.  It seemed to be an invention of modern society that served no purpose other than giving ulcers to people.  Now that I’m older I understand more of what stress is supposed to be.  It’s a combination of different feelings that can be brought on by situations one is uncomfortable in.

What I find to have more truth about what causes stress is not the situations itself but the anticipation of situations. As an introvert I find myself getting anxious leading up to parties or unknown social situations.  I can show up to work and have a crazy day where I work my butt off.  If I don’t know about it ahead of time I’m not worried about it and can just dive in and get though it.  If I knew it was going to be that crazy I may start to obsess about it.  My performance may even be effected by that obsessive behavior.

On the other end I can take crazy day at work or and continue to think about it.  Did I do well enough? Am I going to get fired when I get in the next morning?  It all adds to bad feelings and an unclear mind.

The last few days at work have been hard.  Emergency rush jobs have pushed off the normal work and a special project.  I have also been covering for someone who has been sick.  It’s all there I can anticipate all the things that will be coming tomorrow and the stuff I didn’t get to today.  Then I come home and remember that I have to write a blog.  look at all that stress causing things!

Then sitting on the couch watching some mindless TV to calm my head I realize that I am stressed and can use it for my blog!  I can complain about my day and teach people a thing I do to fight stress. Are you ready?

Just don’t believe in it.

I know it is not that simple.  And it is more challenging for some people than others.  But think about it.  You are off work.  There is nothing you can do about it right now.  So enjoy that time.  Shake it off and do something you like.  Change your environment.  When those thoughts enter your head say “Nope” and sing a song from Monty Python or Weird Al.

One of the reasons I took on the challenge of 40 blogs in 30 days (this is day 3) instead of NaNoWriMo is that, unlike a novel, I can forget about what I wrote  in the blog yesterday and start fresh every day.

Just remember, obsessing about work while not working will hurt your work performance.  It’s not worth it.  Let it go.

Thoughts on Stuff

Every time I have tried to explain how I see things and how I derived my theories on life, the universe, and everything it fails.  I may be able to cover one theory and how it effects my thinking but it never covers everything.  It is a worthy endeavor but cannot truly be done.

So instead here is a list of beliefs, rules I try to live by, and answers to many questions I have had over my life.  By doing this I hope to get past the need to explain how I get to a point I am trying to make in my writing and just get to the point.  You may find some wisdom here but manly this is for me.  I do not succeed at all of these at all times not do I expect others too. I hope you enjoy and get something out of this.

No one sees themselves as the villain in their own story

As a realist I can only be an optimist

3 Rules I live by:
1. Make yourself happy
2. Make other people happy
3. Be remembered

I do not have all the answers.

Live life with honor and without regret.

I will be wrong and that is wonderful

If I get it right on the first try I am not pushing myself hard enough

“You shall no longer take things at second or third hand, not look through the eyes of the dead, nor feed on the spectres in books. You shall not look through my eyes either, nor take things from me, you shall listen to all sides and filter them from yourself.” ― Walt Whitman, Song of Myself

“Be excellent to everybody” – Bill S. Preston

Leave everything better than when you came

Don’t just fight the battles you can win, fight the battles worth fighting for.

No person can know what’s in another’s heart.

It matters more what you do than what you believe.

Never blame your failures on others but always thank them for your success.

The future will be unimaginably amazing.

You can’t change things without understanding why things are the way the are

Reality changes when the perception of that reality changes.

All opinions and non-violent expressions of those opinions are valid.

Respect the person who fights for their beliefs as you’d wish to be respected for yours, even when they are wrong.

Ideas and beliefs can be evil, people are just people

Everyone knows something I can learn from.

Don’t give up, move on.

The worth of a person is not related to one’s wealth or standing or name.

Hate is not for directing at people, it’s for foods and music genres.

When you think your people are chosen or saved you will naturally act like people who aren’t chosen or saved are lesser people, lesser humans.

There are no “Other” people we are all people.

Everyone should work customer service for at least six months, people would learn how much being a jerk effects other people.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

Hurting others is always wrong.

No one deserves to die

“Don’t dream it, be it” – RHPS

Doing wrong for the right reasons is still wrong

There is always another perspective

If you look for something you will find it.  Especially when its looking for a reason that validates your actions.

Labeling others as an argument against their opinions is lazy and ineffective

If you only listen to those who agree with you, you will stay ignorant of ways to further your ideals.

Slippery slope is not an argument. “You’d die if you ate only ice cream” is not an argument for never having ice cream.

When you don’t know how to end something just say “Thank You.”



Orlando Shooting: Say His Name

As I tried to avoid the gory details of the hateful slaughter of 49 people I keep hearing the names of the victims. Somehow putting names and faces to these victims will make us whole.  We should learn about how human they are, how much like us they are.

At the same time I hear people including Donald Trump say they will not say his name.  We shouldn’t dignify this insane, murderous, asshole with even a thought that lingers.

Is this the right response?  We grieve the killing of people without acknowledging the perpetrator.  But if we do this how are we as a society supposed to change to prevent these things from happening?  We teach World War 2 history using Hitler’s name and say “Never Again.” Yet I know very few of the names of the victims of the Holocaust.

It feels like we are at Hogwarts avoiding saying the name Voldemort.  If we ignore him he will go away.  That didn’t work so well.  When you name it you have power over it.

Without a name it is easier just to dismiss him as some group, some “Other.”  Blame it on Islamist extremists, Homophobia, mental illness, a gun and not on some human being with hopes and fears,  loves and hates, parents and friends.  You have all seen the blame and finger pointing at people who were no more involved with this slaughter than you or I.

We should acknowledge that he is not a monster or a bogie man but a  complicated human that did good things in his life too.  Yes he will be judge for this massacre over everything else.  But he was still someones neighbor, schoolmate, son, relative, friend.  He was loved. If we treat him as a human maybe we can do something to prevent this from happening again.

Omar Mir Seddique Mateen

Born in Queens, New York.
Moved to Port St. Lucie Florida in 1991
Graduated from Indian River Community College in 2006
He visited Sudia Arabia twice between 2011 and 2012 to perform an Islamic pilgrimage to Mecca
Between 2001 and 2006, he worked at eight jobs, including at a Publix grocery store, Circuit City, Chick-Fil-A, Walgreens, Nutrition World, Gold’s Gym and GNC
He legally change his name from Omar Mir Seddique to Omar Mir Seddique Mateen. There was no reason provided for the name change.
Sitora Yusufiy who was married to Mateen for four months in 2009, called her ex-husband “bi-polar… deeply disturbed” and claims her family rescued her from the abusive relationship.
She also alleged her ex-husband abused steroids, which exacerbated his “emotional instability” during their marriage.
Mateen was remarried with one child at the time of the shooting
Mateen aspired to be a police officer
He had no criminal record

There are reports that he was on gay dating sights and attended the Pulse nightclub more than once but also have heard otherwise.

Omar Mateen killed 49 and injured 53 at The Pulse Nightclub


Donald StrangeTrump: or 9 Reasons I Stopped Worrying and Love the Trump

Well, here we are. One of America’s two major parties has a name-calling, wall-building, fear-mongering Billionaire as its nominee.  And me, a left-leaning, feminist loving, GLBTQIA supporting, tree-hugging, refuge accepting, peace-loving, Black Lives Matter supporter thinks this is one of the best things to happen in politics in decades. And I can say that with a (mostly) straight face.

strangelove_gop_debate_article_banner_3-2-16-1How you may ask? Once you get past the shock brought on by his crazy behavior and look at what has actually happened as a result around the world of politics and media, how can you not? Let’s do this!

1. Right wing is reaping what it sowed.

For eight years (Or is it 40?) the Right has systematically called Obama and the Left evil monsters that want to destroy America and kill Santa.  Now they are paying for it.

The way right media has been calling Obama a Kenyan Muslim Nazi communist while people in office and those from the more main stream right media won’t denounce any lie that gets told.  That was fine inside the bubble of right listening to the right.  The GOP leaders until now were able to present national figures that were centrist and could survive being looked at by the entire nation.

This time around the 20% of Americans that live in this closed media loop of the right and vote in Republican primaries actually believe the rhetoric they have been fed.  “Muslims and Mexicans are taking your jobs and killing your kids! I’m going to vote for the guy speaking the truth I’ve been fed!”

How is this good?  The Republican/right wing media money people are taking a hard look at what they have done and will change to tell the truth instead of truthiness to survive as a unified party in the future.

2. The Republican alliances will fracture

The strange bed fellows of Evangelicals, business, libertarians, and the deep south that formed in the 70s-80s will not survive Trump.  Business is already trying to distance itself from the GLBTQIA fear mongering laws that are being pushed forward by the religious right.

Libertarians and Ron Paul followers are getting tired of the GOP.  Penalties that are being pushed against individuals like restrictions on solar panels to become self sufficient. The deficit spending to fund other countries’ wars. In bed with banks and the Federal Reserve. All of this and they already have a Libertarian Party to run to.

The traditional South has moving beyond its racial divisive past. (Faster than the North it seems. Discussion for another day)  The racist elements of the party are harder to hide and will have many people fleeing. If the GOP wants to still be a national party they will have to make new alliances.

3. Watching the inner struggle within the Republican Party is great entertainment.

Need I say more on this point?

4. The main stream media realized its part in creating the monster.

For those who complain about the media coverage in general the media has been asking itself “What have we done?!” Big Media is everywhere and what is reported has an effect on the outcome. Before the 24 second news cycle and endless space online for articles, you had an editor who would decide what was news.

Now when somebody says something stupid it is on Twitter instantly then big media shares the tweet to get hits. Then stupid comments on any side become “newsworthy.” Perhaps this is the point where news stations won’t make the worst tweet the news story and actually tell actual news.

5. His positions are more progressive than any other Republican presidential candidate.

If you normally look at the Republican platform and gag you will only get a bile taste from his platform.  Reading it is a little like interpreting a tween’s dissertation on the meaning of life but his stated positions are less scary than Ted Cruz’s platform.

The biggest example of this is his policy on NAFTA and trade. When was the last time politicians everywhere were discussing this issue?  The last time I can recall is when Ross Perot was a viable third party candidate to talk about it.

I’m looking forward to reading the differences between the GOP platform and Trump’s.  There will be much hay made over that.


6. Trump doesn’t believe the crap he says.

Ted Cruz is a believer.  He thinks (or thought) he was chosen by God to become president.  All the crazy things he has said is actually what he would fight for.

Trump is a pragmatist.  He says things to get what he wants.  He doesn’t care about the views he takes so he can change views to what people actually want.  He is at the whim of the polls. Take a look at where the polls are on the issues and breath a sigh of relief.

He will have many etch-a-sketch moments before the general

7. Now we get to see Trump debate a Democrat

Pay-per-View Anyone?

8. Trump got money out if politics.

Bernie wants to get money out of politics but Sanders is doing it by raising a crap ton of money.  Donald has won a nomination without holding fundraisers and without spending (relatively) a lot.

It proves it is possible to win against the tide of big money in politics.  All you need is great name recognition and get the media to talk about you all the time

Bernie would be just another has been if it wasn’t for the RECORD SETTING AMOUNTS OF MONEY he has raised.  Even if it is $27 at a time he raised the money. Now before I get pummeled on twitter by the Berners. (@TobySterl to give you a head start.) what he has done is amazing but Obama did it 8 years ago.

9. He can’t win

Winning big among the  GOP Caucus goers is one thing. That’s winning the majority of 20% of the nation that have been lied to for decades.  The electorate is getting more Hispanic, Black, and young. When Trump says he is winning the women, the poorly educated, the Mexicans, and the Blacks he is actually winning the women in that 20%.

There is no way he can win.  Even before the onslaught of his past indiscretions that will come out after the primary is done, (Here comes the Dem’s attack machine!) his numbers among women alone are enough to sink him.

So sit back and enjoy it.

We get to watch the fracturing of the GOP, the Trump media road show, and the fall of right wing media machine.  At the same time the Senate and possibly the House will become Democratic.

Just ponder on the history that is to come, the late night comedy that will be made, and we get to witness it all.  Join me in enjoying the flames to come.  I’ll bring the popcorn.


Toby Sterling

Understanding the “T”

Does writing a Yelp Review count as writing for the blog? No?!  Shoot.

I have been thinking a lot this week on how to follow up on the My First Truth blog.  After thinking on it I think I’ll give a hard example that hits a topic that is very current and try to explain some things about it and perhaps create a bit more understanding.  The topic is transgender.

I have written in the past about transgender and my attempts to understand it better.  After writing the previous post on it I had a conversation with a friend of mine on the topic.  He had brought up the question, “Isn’t being transgender a mental problem or a disorder?” 2000px-Whitehead-link-alternative-sexuality-symbol.svg

Now before you attack him or me, he is not attacking transgender rights he is asking a legitimate question.  In loose literal terms the answer is yes with a big “but” at the end.  At the time I didn’t have a good answer for him.  I am no expert on this topic.  I come from the position that we are all individuals with our own problems and reasons and as long as your choices are good and don’t affect me negatively, be who you want to be.  Actions that interfere with who you are, how you dress, what you worship, etc. are destructive and usually based on taught fear and hate.

I was brought up in a Christian household and was taught the golden rule, to agape love everyone, and to judge not lest ye be judged.  What I was never taught about was that any group of people were evil.  There was evil in the world but all of God’s creatures are a part of God’s plan.

What I wasn’t taught about was LGBTQ.  Not good or bad it just wasn’t talked about.  I knew that gays existed (Looking back, I knew a few) But I never really thought about it.  Going away to college I started to meet people and treated them as I wanted to be treated.  I always attempted to start with the golden rule when meeting anyone.  And in doing so I made some of the best friends of my life.

The first (known) transsexual I really met was a friend of a friend who’s place we hung out at once.  I don’t remember much of the conversations we had that night other than her being a talker and me being my naturally quiet self.  My biggest memory of that night was when I was leaving her giving me a big hug and saying through tears, “Thanks for being normal.”

I didn’t understand it at the time.  Heck I’m not even sure I had the term for what she was in my vocabulary.  But just by treating her like just another person must have been rare for her.  That is something I could never understand happening to me.

Getting back to my friend’s question.  It comes from a place of just not knowing.  Let me do my best to explain from a straight male perspective. (Cis-plaining because that’s all I can do.) Gender dysphoria is a medical term meaning the condition of feeling one’s emotional and psychological identity as male or female to be opposite to one’s biological sex. So yes it is a mental condition. Let’s talk about how it would feel mentally.

Let’s say you woke up one morning and everything was the same but your body was now the opposite sex.  If you are male and now your dick is gone and you have a vagina and boobs.  The opposite for the females reading it.  Getting past the shock and the exploring of your new body, after a few days or weeks how would you feel?  Would you be comfortable wearing dresses? Could you switch who you were attracted to?  Would you still feel the same about sex with your new body?

After a month or a year of living on this body that isn’t yours what would you do?  Would you seek an operation to change you back? Would you take the hormones to change your body to what would be correct in your head?  What bathroom would you feel comfortable using? Leave these question in the back of your mind over the next few days.

For those with gender dysphoria that is what they have dealt with since they were kids.  They don’t wake up and choose to be that way, they just are.  In the hypothetical you didn’t choose your gender, it just happened.  I’m guessing most of you would not be able to just accept being the opposite gender.

People are who they are.  Their actions come from their own life experiences.  If you want people to change you need to accept where they come from as something very meaningful to them.  As your past is very meaningful to you.  To dismiss it as wrong dismisses every person, family member, and experience they have had as wrong.